Discussion Questions If this is your first group meeting or you haven’t done introductions yet: Take turns to introduce yourselves and share something you hope to gain from being a part of the group this season. If your group has already met: Last week, we talked about how to have healthy conflict that produces intimacy in relationships. Did anyone get a chance to put that into practice with a current conflict, and if so, how did it go? This week, Jeff talked about relationships for the long haul. Share about 1 or 2 of your closest and longest-lasting relationships. When and how did you meet, and why do you think the relationship has lasted so long? Jeff shared this point from the book “The Comfort Crisis”: We in American culture have a crisis of comfort. We have crafted American life to be comfortable, and we have raised “being comfortable” to an entitlement that is actually destroying us…because we only make progress through facing things that are challenging, exerting, and strenuous.Where do you see this statement playing out, in your life or in the culture around us? If a relationship becomes uncomfortable, and we feel this innate right to be comfortable, we may leave that relationship. On the flip side, our own character and our deepest relationships are not developed by staying comfortable. As you consider these statements, what relationships come to mind, past or present? Read John 13:1. How does this passage describe Jesus’ love for his disciples? Read John 13:34-35. Our mission at Chase Oaks is to inspire people to follow Jesus and together change our world for good. How does this passage call us to follow Jesus? Read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. Which of those attributes of love stand out to you, and why? Jesus uses a powerful definition of love by using the word “agape,” which is defined as “an unrelenting and active commitment to the wellbeing of the other.” This kind of agape love that has staying power does not come from within us but from God. Read 1 John 4:7-12, considering “agape love” whenever you hear the word “love.” What thoughts come to mind as you reflect on this passage? What are some relationships that we can bring to God, praying for God to give us the ability to love as he loves us? Take some time to pray for one another. Put It into Practice Throughout the Week In this series, we’re focusing on building the skills we need for real-life connections and community. This week, we talked about staying power and loving people even through times of discomfort and conflict. According to Practicing the Way’s Community Practice and Pete & Geri Scazzero’s “Emotionally Healthy Relationships,” this can often happen when we make assumptions about the motivations behind people’s behavior. If we’re going to learn to love God and others, we must fight against our tendency to mind read, make assumptions, and have unreasonable expectations. Below, we’ll explore practical ways to stop mind reading and to clarify expectations, so we are better equipped to love people in our lives and community. Reflect on the following:Mind Reading: Do you ever find yourself trying to read someone’s mind? Are the conclusions you draw generally positive or negative? If we want to stop mind reading, we can’t assume we know what a person is thinking or feeling. Consider using a phrase such as, “When you _______, it made me think that you _______. Is that correct?” or “Can I check an assumption I have?” Which phrase feels most natural to you? Do you have another phrase you might try? Clarify Expectations: Pete Scazzero describes four problems with many of our expectations: they are often Unconscious, Unrealistic, Unspoken, or Un-agreed upon. Of the four problems, which are you most prone to? To clarify expectations, we must slow down and make sure we’re on the same page as the other party. Consider using a phrase such as, “I’d like to clarify an expectation I have of you… is this fair?” or “I expect ______ because _______. Is this reasonable?” Which phrase feels most natural to you? Do you have another phrase you might try? Consider applying those steps to a current relationship, and at your next group meeting, share how it went. Verse To Mediate on This Week: John 13:34-35 - A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.