Surviving the Holidays: 4 Ways To Help Navigate Grief
The holidays are usually filled with traditions, festive gatherings, and celebrations. But for many, they can also be a hard reminder of grief and loss. Whether you’re facing the first holiday without a loved one, coping with a difficult diagnosis, or dealing with a relationship that’s no longer the same, this season can be a heavy and emotional time. Below, I’ll share four ways to help you navigate grief and prioritize your mental health as you honor your loved ones this holiday season.
The Struggle of the Holidays
For anyone experiencing grief, the holidays can feel like a constant reminder of what’s missing. You might find yourself thinking, “This is supposed to be a time for family, but my family’s different now.” Or you might be faced with the pain of an empty seat at the dinner table, or the sadness of traditions that can no longer be enjoyed as they once were. There’s no magic formula to make grief go away, but it’s possible to find moments of peace and even joy while still acknowledging and honoring the pain of your loss.
1. Be Aware, And Be Aware of Extremes
When it comes to navigating grief during the holidays, it’s easy to be drawn to extremes. For example, you might feel pushed to attend every single party and event that you’re invited to. Or, you might resolve to not go to any party or event you’re invited to. Both extremes tend to be unhealthy. Instead, take time to be aware of what seems best and most realistic…to examine each option and decide, day by day, what feels right for you in that moment.
The Key: Be kind to yourself.
Grief can make you feel like you’re losing your mind. The pain and sadness can be overwhelming and isolating, and it’s hard to know how to reach out or talk about it. It’s easy to have expectations for ourselves that we don’t have for anyone else—to feel like we should be “doing more” or “feeling better” by now. But remember, grieving is a difficult process, and you’re doing the best you can. Be thoughtful and mindful about your needs in the moment, without pressure to anticipate what you’re going to need tomorrow or a week from now.
So, if you're invited to a party or gathering, it's perfectly okay to say, “I’d like to come, but I’m going to need to see how I feel that day. I’ll let you know.” Or, if you do attend, give yourself permission to step away if it gets to be too much. You can let the host know, “Hey, I’m going to come. I just might need to step away or find a space to be alone if things get to be too much.” Both of those are reasonable ways to stay aware of yourself and your needs.
Be kind to your body.
It’s also important to respect your physical body during a season of grief. That means making sure you’re getting plenty of sleep, eating well, and being mindful of your alcohol or drug use. When we’re grieving, our body and brain are searching for a new normal, and that makes substances more addictive during seasons of grief than they would be otherwise. Be gentle with yourself and stay cognizant of how you’re treating your body.
2. Honor Your Loved One
The prospect of facing the absence of a loved one during the holidays can create a lot of fear. However, there are meaningful ways to honor your loved one during this time.
Share Stories and Memories
Talk about your loved one when you can. Often the people around you are trying to gauge what you need from them in the moment. If you’re comfortable talking about your loved one, it gives the people around you permission to talk about them too. Sharing stories and memories invites others to remember them with you, and it opens up a unique space for shared grief and healing.
Write a Letter or Keep a Journal
Many people find comfort in writing letters to their loved ones, especially during the holidays. You might write about what you wish they could experience with you or simply share how much you miss them. If you’re a person of faith, this can be a beautiful way to feel connected to your loved one and remind yourself that one day, you’ll be reunited and share these stories together.
Journaling can also help you process your grief in a personal way. Writing down your thoughts and feelings doesn’t have to be structured or perfect—it’s simply a space to express what’s in your heart.
Create Space for Their Memory
Consider setting a place for your loved one at the holiday table. You could leave an empty chair or put out a photo. Some families choose to donate a meal or contribute to a cause that was important to their loved one. You could also continue a tradition that your loved one enjoyed, such as watching their favorite holiday movie while eating their favorite snack, or playing their favorite holiday music.
Continue, Add or Change a Tradition
Holidays are often filled with beloved traditions. After a loss, there’s an opportunity to gather with others who love and miss that person and think through how to carry that tradition forward in their honor. It’s also okay to change things up or add a new tradition in honor of your loved one. This could be something small, like making a new holiday dish, or something more significant, like volunteering or donating in your loved one’s name…something that helps you honor and feel more connected to the person you’ve lost.
3. Communicate Your Needs Clearly to Others
People who care about you want to be helpful to you during the holiday season. It can be hard to let others know what you need, especially in the moment, so take some time to think through how and what to communicate to others in advance. For example, before an event, it’s ok to let the host know that if you need to step out at some point for a break, you want space and don’t want them to follow you. Or you could identify one safe person who will be at the event who can help ease awkward conversations or join you if you do step out. Again, being aware of your needs and communicating them clearly is the key.
4. Don’t Compare Grief Journeys
Grief is a personal journey, and it’s different for everyone. It can be easy to compare—perhaps others seem to be coping better or grieving differently, or someone has expectations for how your grief (or theirs) should look. But there’s no “right” way to grieve, and grief is not a race. There’s no timetable or finish line, and no checklist to complete.
Final Thoughts: Growing Through Grief
Grief is hard. It can feel isolating, especially during the holiday season. But it also has the potential to grow us into the type of people who see others well and know how to aid others who are also grieving.
So, as you navigate the holidays, be kind to yourself and find ways to honor your loved one. There will some landmines or triggers that I can’t prepare you for—maybe things will be hard that you didn’t expect to be hard. Or maybe you are just surprised by the timing of things that trip you up. Allow others to care for you as you stay aware and communicate about your needs the best you can.
Ultimately, grief gives us an opportunity to become kinder, gentler, and more compassionate people. This is my hope for you, especially during this holiday season.
We have more resources to support your mental health and well-being through the holidays. And we'd love for you and your loved ones to join us for Christmas services. Look here for service times and locations for Christmas at Chase Oaks.